I know what you’re thinking.
“I don’t have a problem,” you say.
“It’s just something I do when I need a pick-me-up,” you say.
But friend, you have a problem.
It’s not healthy.
It’s not productive.
It’s not doing your social life any favors, either.
That’s why you’re here, though, isn’t it? Because some small part of you knows that you need to make a change.
That’s where we come in.
Let’s talk first about the signs of trouble. The signs that tell you that yes, you do have a problem.
It’ll feel good to get it off your chest, we promise.
1. You waste precious time endlessly watching the cameras.
2. You have memorized the times of day when Bao Bao is active, and the times when she’s asleep. When she gets off schedule, you may actually say aloud: “Back to bed, young lady! I mean it this time!”
3. You begin to believe that Bao Bao is your baby, and that her life depends on your continued monitoring.
4. Your housemates and coworkers have begun to regard you with equal parts amusement and suspicion.
5. You gravitate toward the colors black and white when it comes to making outfit choices.
6. It suddenly hurts your back to walk upright, so you walk on all fours instead. It feels right this way.
7. The neighbor’s hedges make your mouth water. They are good shrubbery …
There. That feels better, doesn’t it? It’s all out in the open now. You can breathe again. And floss the pine needles from your teeth.
Next week, we’ll talk healing.
Pandamonium will not bamboozle you if we bear the load together.